Men who are twice my age: I am off-limits. Do you hear me? What is your problem? I don't even think you find me that attractive, you just want a young person because for some reason you're under the delusion that it'll make me easier to control. Also, you think I'll totally be down with you cheating on your girlfriend. Hint: I WON'T.

Which leads me to my new motto: Not today, fuckers.

While a sixteen-year-old, dying for acceptance, no self-esteem Kendra might have been all over an opportunity to get herself completely exploited and fucked over, the 21-year-old Kendra would like you to back the fuck off.

And if you're not half my age? 

Don't act like a creep. While there was a time I would politely try to figure out how to get out of the situation and hide from people, those days are over. I won't fuck you, even if you paid me (and please don't offer money because, yeah, just in case you're wondering, that's ALSO creepy (P.S. Men Who Are Twice My Age: This applies to you as well)), if you act like a creep who is creeping it up like a creep on Creep Day.

Not today, fuckers.

I've tried being nice, but nooooooooooo, you guys just had to fucking push me, didn't you?

Oh! And more more thing:

If you're someone that is awesome, please take the giant hint and get that I think you're awesome. The hint is that I tell you how awesome you are.

Current Location: The Couch
Current Music: "Love Her Madly" by The Doors

Here's the story I posted the first part of on facebook. It's got the beginning and the rest.

 

( Violet and Henry )

 

My throat started hurting last night but I ignored it. This morning it is very uncomfortable to swallow anything that isn't really hot or really cold. Blech. I do believe I have a cold, but it's just my throat. Damn. If I lose my voice, I won't be able to deliver my speech on Wednesday.

But I'll do my best. We have plenty of damn disgusting throat tea in the house and all the broth I can make and choke down.

I haven't had time to do a lot of reading. Maybe my down time will provide me ample opportunity to finish reading Journey to the West (Highly recommended.) I also have a ton of homework and a job interview on Friday. (Yesssssssssssss. Please hire me!) And an ISO meeting on Thursday. (And considering I had to leave abruptly because of my horrendous panic attack last time, I think it's important that I make an effort to be there. I really hope no one lectures me about having a panic attack because that drives me nuts. Yeah, make me anxious about being anxious. Fucking brilliant plan.) 

All in all, I don't wanna be sick. (I have a test on Tuesday and a test on Thursday.) It's just kind of inconvenient. Why can't I be sick during the huge month long break between summer and fall term? 

Bleeeeeech.

Is available now on the Kindle. If you have one, please, please, please buy it! 

One person already did!

WHhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhyyyyyyyyyyyy on earth do I have such terrible performance anxiety. Gaaaaaaaaaaawwwwwwwddddd. I have three possible ideas for new horror stories, I have old horror stories that have gone unpublished but suddenly it's like, "What if these aren't as good?!" Not to have favorites or anything but I actually really like the story that WAS accepted and now I'm like, "What if the second one isn't as good???" 

Grrrrrrrrrrr. I just need to relax and write.

Maybe I need to blow off some writing steam? After reading all of H.P. Lovecraft's short stories (THANK YOU, I'M FINALLY DONE!) , I have a hilarious idea for a story set at Miskatonic but it really isn't horror. (Maybe it would be to Howard though...it does star **GASP** ladies! In his stories, they come in two flavors: Totally shit-evil and probably really some kind of damned thing from beyond or paperweight.) Maybe I'll just write it for fun and keep it hidden from the world. It's not so much a story as a way to make a lot of jokes about his Mythos in general. (Um, so we're told repeatedly that the Necronomicon is this big forbidden book and that there's only like five copies so why on earth has EVERYONE IN THE UNIVERSE READ IT?! Seriously, you cannot swing a dead cat in a Lovecraft's story without hitting someone's who's read it. Not only that, but could some explain to me if there's some sort of SCREENING process in place for who gets to read it? Like, Wilbur Whateley just strolls in and reads it and that guy is totally fuck head evil-creepy and like part goat or some shit and looks like a full grown man when he's not really that old. Why doesn't the librarian stop and go, "Hmmm, maybe I shouldn't let him read it"??? He does stop him from making copies of the pages in it but Wilbur still wants to borrow it. Like, seriously, Wilbur, what the fuck was the plan? What good reason would you have for needing a copy of the Necronomicon? It's not like it also contains the instructions on how to build IKEA furniture or some shit.) 

Also, after reading a lot of his stories, I mean, there's only so much racism you can take. And building descriptions. Admittedly, they are very wonderful descriptions, I just found after awhile that he's pretty much talking about the same building. It is always Cyclopean and it will always be eldritch or have an eldritch smell or an eldritch welcome mat.

This doesn't stop me from getting totally creeped out while reading. I was reading in an empty classroom and jumped a foot when the door opened. Yaaaaaaaarghhhhh.

Cheers.

You should definitely run out and buy a copy of the first issue of Horror Fiction Magazine when it comes out in around a month. Why? Because yours truly will be in there! I sold a short story! Yessssss! First money ever for fiction! 

You might also want to get the second issue as well, since I was asked to write something for that issue too! o.O! My god, all those years of rejection and now I'm suddenly...not rejected. It's very different and awesome. I'm not sure if you'll be able to buy it online, but I hope so. (I get free copies of the first issue so I'm very excited.) I know that it's based out of Texas so maybe my Texas peeps will have more ready access to it.

Cheers!

Current Location: The Couch of Success!
Current Mood: ecstatic
Current Music: "Hey Jude" by the Beatles

...When you find yourself suddenly doubting whether it's Thomas Hobbe or Hobbes and sitting there panicking before it finally occurs to you that it's probably in your FUCKING textbook.

...When all you can think when trying to remember what happens during the Triassic period is "Whatever the fuck."

...When you find yourself mouthing the outline for an essay on absolutism while trying to relax during a study break and play Final Fantasy VI.

...When you make a joke on your Facebook status that you ARE allopatric speciation.

...When you know what allopatric speciation is.

...When you wonder if you'll be able to adequately explain what laissez-faire is and start to hyperventilate that somehow you'll fail your history final if you don't.

...When you find yourself unreasonably angry that they changed the facebook layout and you can't figure out how to write a note vs. update your status and you're too damn tired to care.

Cheers.

Current Location: The Couch
Current Mood: stressed
Current Music: "Stress" by Jim's Big Ego

Since I'm up anyway with a nasty headache and throwing up (Don't get wasted during happy hour. Not a great idea. Ever.) I thought I'd amuse the heck out of Jen and fill out a list I stole from someone else's LJ. (And there's nothing you can do about it!)


The song that...
1. Is the best song to start the day with?: "Canned Heat" by Jamiroquai (Sorry Jen :p)

2. You'd want playing while in a pub?: "Tubthumping" by Chumbawamba (I miss the 90's!) 

3. Signifies your last serious relationship?: "Waking Up Beside You" by Stabbing Westward

4. You must play when you are feeling very cynical?: "On A Plain" by Nirvana

5. Is your anthem when things are going your way?: "Funky Town" by Lipps, Inc. (I also miss disco!)

6. Would be perfect to describe your work/school atmosphere?: "With Your Looks and My Brains" by Mr. T Experience (definitely dedicated to a lot of my fellow classmates)

7. Makes you pine for things past?: "Don't Speak" by No Doubt

8. You wish you could belt out loud?: "Chain of Fools" by Aretha Franklin (My singing voice will NEVER sound that cool.)

9. You would belt out loud if given the chance?: "On The Street Where You Live" from My Fair Lady (Actually, is there any song that I won't belt out loud?)

10. Calms your doubts about the world?: "Beautiful World" by Devo

11. Makes you want to dance, regardless of where you are?: No. No fucking way am I telling another human. My sister abuses that knowledge too much as it is.

12. Instantly makes you cringe whenever you hear it?: Any song by My Chemical Romance

13. Is the best song to help get over someone?: "I Will Survive" by Gloria Gaynor (Hey, if it ain't broke...)

14. Makes you laugh out loud?: "Hurt Feelings" by Flight of the Conchords

15. Describes your current situation (good or bad)?: "Wunderkind" by Alanis Morrisette

16. Reminds you of a past relationship (again, good or bad)?: "She's Got Issues" by The Offspring (Several relationships actually. x_x)

17. You pretend to hate, but secretly listen to?: "Turn Off The Light" by Nelly Furtado

18. In your honest opinion, is the best song ever recorded?: Oh jesus. The entire Wall album by Pink Floyd, I suppose. This one is hard!

19. Should be playing when you fall in love?: "Spitting Games" by Snow Patrol

20. Routinely gets stuck in your head?: "Business Time" by Flight of the Conchords

21. Is your personal therapy song?: "Karma Police" by Radiohead

22. Is, quite possibly, the most random song you've heard?: "Craig" by Stephen Lynch

23. Sends shivers down your spine?: "Comfortably Numb" by Pink Floyd

24. Brings a smile to your face?: "I'm On A Boat" by The Lonely Island

25. Sums up your life so far?: "Falls Apart" by Sugar Ray

I feel less bad! I'm going to try and fall asleep!!!

I HATE SCHOOL!!! If it was possible to just get out and run away screaming I would. ARE MY MID-TERMS NEVER GOING TO END? I swear to fuck god every time I think, "This is the last mid-term." the teachers decide that they need to do another test. I'm just some fucking done right now.

I have one form left of nine hundred forms to send into Smith. Strangely, things are going slightly more smoothly than I thought they would. My Biology teacher is holding my second mid-term over my head like a death sentence (it's quite clear that if I don't do well, she's not going to be nice on my evaluation) . I don't really blame her since I did abysmally on my first one. (After a semester of 101 and acing every exam I was totally unprepared for the much harder exams of this teacher and the giant C staring me in the face on my first test.) I'm worried that I'll never learn it all in time, especially since precious study time has to be sacrificed to the ever-hungry god that is French.

When I told people I was taking 21 credits, I got a lot of looks and comments that made me get very defensive. "Shut up, I can do it!" It's now that I realize that most of those people just didn't want to see me burst into tears in the middle of a math assignment because when I asked my sister for help, she warned me she hadn't been near functions since high school. I began sobbing about how I was such an idiot for not being able to graduate from high school like a normal person. She advised me to take a break from homework. (I had been going at it for six hours straight.) Pride is a sin, Kendra. Pride is a sin.

I think I'm actually doing okay in my math class...so...weird. I haven't seen my first exam because last week, I was struck down by illness so intense that my voice is still slowly regaining strength. But I don't feel like I'm failing. I don't have that. "OH SHIT MATH!" feeling I had all last semester. I have that feeling about Biology, though I'm probably not doing as bad as I think I am, I'm basing my entire grade on one test when there are other factors (one, technically my exam is now a B because I did test corrections, thus shooting it up a letter grade, there were two homework assignments, not to mention the whole lab aspect of my grade, and I'm doing the extra credit assignment which should bump it up another letter grade).

I think the added pressure of "What will Smith think of me?" is really just not helping. I know I said I would apply next year too but part of me isn't a hundred percent sure it's worth it, so we'll see.

Cheers.

Current Location: My Bed
Current Mood: aggravated
Current Music: "Monkey Bee" from Monkey: Journey to the West

Fox is totally paying for Dawn Treader so there is going to be a movie but this whole change in studio/director thing is making me sad. I swear to god if one more person complains about Prince Caspian...

Also, Hushpuppies. The band. I just discovered them and I kept being like, "God, these lyrics are stupid" but the songs are so catchy and I think the lyrics are supposed to be highly ironic and the music just says, "I'm fucking cool." Also, the Prototypes are good.